As a mom to a child with a disability, I am constantly questioned by people about how my child is going to live independently in the future. Is she going to live with you forever?

Well, the answer is I don’t know. I don’t know as my main focus is that my child should be happy and healthy. And by the way, how can someone think about the future? No one has seen the future.

All I know is that today my almost 6 year old doesn’t like me to help. She prefers to manage her day to day tasks on her own.

“But what about the future? She has Down syndrome; she’s going to be dependent on you. What are your plans for that? Don’t you want her to be independent?”

I do have my worries as a parent. But independent life is not my ONLY goal for my child. I want a life for her where she is respected, loved and accepted for who she is with her differences.

Coming to the point, I am not here to discuss dependency. I want to discuss the reasons why our kids face so much pressure. They need to prove their worth simply because they have a disability.

Or maybe because in our ableist society, we were told that kids with disabilities are just a burden. This notion is terrible. They have to achieve milestones, some degrees, or be successful to prove their worth. What if they don’t?

I’m not against living independently but I don’t need constant reminders and questions about my child. People wonder how they are going to live on their own just because they have a disability or extra needs.

Everyone is dependent on each other in one or another way, to feel loved, respected and cared. Dependency is not a bad thing.

There is nothing more beautiful than seeing your child succeed in the future. Being an independent person shouldn’t be the only goal for them. They don’t need constant pressure, labels and judgments to be independent. Instead, they need more opportunities & inclusive environment.

Our society has an ableist mindset that tells us to focus mainly on fixing our kids. This creates much more pressure on us parents which ends up putting invisible pressure on our kids. Instead, we should focus on accessibility and good infrastructure. Creating an environment that is more inclusive and accessible for them is crucial. We should also provide opportunities to lead a life as they want to, independently or with family.

I would be happy if my girl starts to live her life on her own. This is only if she wants to. It’s okay even if she doesn’t. She doesn’t have to be independent or have her place to prove her worth because she’s already worthy.