Every weekend we go to the park for picnic, it’s our family ritual. Last Sunday, we packed our stuff for the picnic, dressed up, and were super excited, especially Veda. She was excited to play ball with her father. Suddenly, her father got a call from work (on Sunday), and our plan got canceled. It was unexpected for Veda that Papa had to work on Sunday. She waited patiently for over an hour, so I said, “Let’s go to the balcony for some sunshine,” sensing she was dealing with strong emotions. Lately, we have been learning about different emotions from her favorite Patty Shukla. As she’s growing, I am trying to name her feelings so that she can embrace them and be aware of them.
Here is our conversation in words, sign language, body language, gestures, and emotions.
V- Mama, Veda, auto. Go?
Me- Do you want to go? I can take you.
V- Papa?(What about papa)
Me- Papa can’t join us. Remember he has got some work.
V- Hmmm. Deep breath. Park, ball catch. Papa, Mama, Veda ball catch, throw.
Me- Well, we can wait. Let’s see if he gets free. Till then Mama and Veda can go downstairs and play.
V- no, mama, papa and Veda.
Me- okay.
Me- Are you angry? With mama and papa.
V- No.
Me- Are you sad?
V- No
Me- Are you in pain?
V- Naa/No (shakes her head from side to side)
Me- hmmm. Then…Are you Upset?
V- Haan/Yes.
Me- I see. So, you are upset😕
**You know what, you should be. You have every right to be upset. And it’s okay if you don’t like to talk to us or want to cry. We are so sorry Veda. I am here if you need me.
For the next few minutes, she didn’t look at me, and that’s okay. She was trying to feel those emotions instead of suppressing or hiding them. While she concentrated on the road, her favorite auto, birds, etc., I was sitting behind her, rubbing her back to make sure she feels safe, to let her know that I am here for her.
Me- Let me know whenever you are ready to talk. Yea.
V- Yeah.
After a few minutes, she turned toward me. We talked, hugged, and decided to go downstairs. She was once again a peaceful child who started running and climbing stairs. I was just looking at her and feeling proud of myself for being there for her today because, believe me, it’s not easy to be present and conscious all the time.
Thanks to this little human, I am learning to be present. I am learning to validate our emotions. I listen to her silence. I understand her body language, gestures, emotions, and pain.
This incident again made me realize something important. We adults constantly focus too much on words or speech instead of communication. We talk instead of listening and question more than we listen. But when are we going to listen?
Our kids with speech delays have a lot to say. But do we have time to sit? Can we be present and listen?
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